Keeping casual dating private: your phone, your inbox, your statement

Most people on a casual dating site would like their membership to stay their own business. That's reasonable, and it's mostly housekeeping: knowing where your details go, and closing the doors you don't need open.

A word on what this guide is for. Privacy isn't the same as secrecy from someone you've made promises to. This is about keeping a private part of your life private, and extending the same courtesy to everyone you meet.

The ten-minute privacy checklist

If you only do one thing, do this list before you join or in your first week:

1. Make a separate email address used only for dating, with its own password.
2. Hide message previews on your lock screen.
3. Read the billing name, currency and renewal date at checkout before paying.
4. Write a profile with no surname, employer, street or phone number.
5. Use photos that don't appear anywhere else online.
6. Check where your phone backs up photos and screenshots.
7. Keep any notes on people in a locked app.
8. Sign out of the members area on any shared device.
9. Diary the renewal date, so nothing renews by accident.
10. Know the way out: Settings > Billing, then avatar > Settings > Delete Account.

The sections below explain each one.

Your bank statement

The billing name shown at checkout is the line to expect on your statement. Read it there, before you pay, and note it so you recognise it later. Then remember:

• It repeats. Memberships renew automatically until you cancel in Settings > Billing, so the same line turns up every period, including after a trial.
• Currency shows too. The plans we've seen are priced in US dollars. On a UK or Australian card that can mean a separate foreign-transaction fee line from your bank.
• Shared accounts are shared. A joint account, a family card or a banking app on a shared tablet shows every payment to everyone with access. So do purchase notifications and email receipts.

The prices page explains plans and renewals.

Your inbox

A separate email address used only for dating is the single most useful privacy step. It keeps account emails and receipts out of your main inbox, and gives you a clean way to walk away later.

Give it its own strong password, not the one from your work or banking. A plain, forgettable address works better than a clever one. For example (an example only): a first name and a few numbers at any free email provider, nothing that includes your surname, birthday or employer.

Your phone

Phones give more away than anything else, usually through notifications and backups.

Photos taken on a phone can also carry the place they were taken in the file's hidden data. We haven't confirmed whether the members area strips this on upload, so the cautious route is a photo taken away from home, or one with location tagging turned off in your camera settings.

Your profile and photos

Your profile isn't seen only by Black Book of Sex members. The member database is shared with partner sites in the same network, and each profile shows the site its owner joined through. Write as if any stranger might read it, because one might, and might take a screenshot.

• Leave out your surname, employer, street and anything that would let someone find you before you choose to tell them.
• Avoid photos with a house number, car number plate, school or office logo, or a distinctive tattoo you also show on social media.
• Don't reuse a photo from another profile or social account. A reverse image search can link it to your name in seconds.

Every photo is reviewed, and the rules exclude nudity and lingerie, which is no bad thing for discretion either. How Black Book of Sex works explains the sharing in more detail.

Your own black book

The site's name is an old idea: a book of names and numbers kept private. If you keep notes on people you've met, keep the modern version the same way. There's no diary tool in the members area; this is a habit, not a feature.

• Use a notes app that locks, not a shared cloud folder, a group chat or a document on a family computer.
• Write only what you need: a first name, where you met, whether you'd like to see them again.
• Delete entries you no longer need. A book that stays thin does little harm if it's ever found.

The most useful note you'll write is the one you send a trusted friend before a first meeting: who, where, and when you'll check in. Meeting a casual date safely explains how.

Other people's privacy

Discretion runs both ways. Don't save, forward or post another member's photos or messages, and don't go looking for their surname or workplace.

Sharing someone's intimate images without their consent is a criminal offence across the UK, and in England and Wales threatening to share them is an offence too. If it happens to you, or someone threatens it, the Revenge Porn Helpline supports adults in the UK, and StopNCII.org can stop participating platforms hosting an image without you uploading it. In Australia, the eSafety Commissioner takes reports of image-based abuse. Staying safe lists who else to contact.

Your data, and your rights over it

The members area, not this website, holds your account, profile and messages. How that data is used and shared is set out in the members-area privacy policy.

If you're in the UK, data protection law lets you ask an organisation for a copy of the personal data it holds about you, and in many cases to have it corrected or erased. The Information Commissioner's Office explains how, and takes complaints if a request is ignored. Send any request through the members help centre; the contact page has the link.

Leaving tidily

When you've finished with the site, close it in this order:

1. Cancel in Settings > Billing, so nothing renews.
2. Delete the account: avatar > Settings > Delete Account.
3. Check your next statement to confirm no further payment was taken.
4. Delete your notes, remove saved passwords and, if you set one up, close the dating email address.

Cancelling and deleting are separate jobs; doing one doesn't do the other. If you're still deciding whether to join at all, is Black Book of Sex legit? sets out who runs it and what the terms say.